all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
