just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
