Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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