I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize