everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
