this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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