textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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