glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
