they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
