You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
