I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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