i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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