Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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