I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
