Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
