Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
