the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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