i just wanna soil my oats bro
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
two words: eviction party
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
