I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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