planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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