it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
