6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
