there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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