mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He did a backflip because drugs
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