You don't have asthma, your pregnant
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize