i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
