At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
They have beer where we have blood.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
