trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
