it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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