No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We're not piercing ourselves today.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
