How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
