I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
