You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
