I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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