dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize