there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
