I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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