Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
