I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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