I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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