i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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