Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
