I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
