God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
