How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
