I think i sorta joined a cult last night
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
