She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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