3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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