make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
