he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
