I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
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