this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Randomize
