My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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