just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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