if only i could text you this smell
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
