I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I met the friendliest cop last night
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
