No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
