did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
When are your genitals available?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
