Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
