so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
