im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
she told me i tasted like america
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
