I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
