I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
