Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
