the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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