I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
